


I'm Sorry, I Love You

by Kaoren (Fjallsarlon)



Category: Running Man RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Ensemble Cast, Fandom, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Regrets, Running Man family, series of shorts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:35:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24911710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fjallsarlon/pseuds/Kaoren
Summary: A series of short character studies examining each of the Running Man cast members and the weight of years of running. Inspired by Episode 295, the "I'm Sorry, I Love You," race. Current: Lee Kwang-soo.
Relationships: Kim Jongkook & Lee Kwangsoo, Kim Jongkook & Yoo Jaesuk
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	1. commander

**i. commander**

Kim Jong-kook is so _tired_ of being strong.

He’s said it before: to Yoo Jae-suk, of all people, in the pretend-intimacy of that white room, just the two of them, taking a seat before the hungry lenses of the cameras. Sometimes he has to say those things. Be those things.

The strong one. The powerful one. The person the other members are terrified of.

Sometimes, he wants to ask if they’re all right, when Lee Kwang-soo topples over from a smack, or after he’s lifted Jae-suk as if he were a toy and dumped him in the mud. He can’t, though. That’s not what the Tiger does, and so he chokes back the words instead.

They bicker, even though after years and years and years on the variety scene, they’ve worked a comfortable camaraderie, and he _thinks_ he knows exactly how far he can go, and how much the others can take, and how much they’ll give as good as they get, but even then—

Sometimes, Kim Jong-kook wonders where the line is, and if he’s crossed it and hurt them, even though that’s the last thing he wants to do.

All those years on _Running Man_ , of being the Commander, the Tiger, the strong man, the capable one who excels at games and anything physical (and really, quite a few mental challenges too), and sometimes he’s quietly terrified he doesn’t know how to be anything else.

If he isn’t strong, when his body stops bouncing back from the abuse and the demands he throws at it: what will he be?

Kim Jong-kook knows he’s going to find out, eventually.

But right now, he’s just tired of being strong.


	2. betrayer

**ii. betrayer**

Lee Kwang-soo is _tired_ of acting out.

Whatever you do in front of the cameras is forgiven, that’s Yoo Jae-suk’s lesson. They’re entertainers. It’s all in a day’s work. They play it up all the time for laughs. Acting the same way once the cameras have shut off—now that’s unprofessional.

He’s taken it to heart, going after Song Ji-hyo and even female guests without holding back. He takes the hits and the jokes as the _maknae_ , and then promptly stabs the others in the back at any chance as easy as blinking. He lashes out viciously, yanks down Kim Jong-kook’s pants on-screen, and in the sly voice of Framer Kwang-soo, says compromising things about Ji-hyo because he knows _exactly_ how to get a rise out of her, what it takes to get that Bad Ji-hyo character out in front of the cameras.

Off-cameras, he listens to all of Ji-hyo’s rants, because they’re all in this together, and maybe they’re a little the same: she the lone female member, and he the youngest of the group, with no variety experience (funny to think of that now)—and of course, they’re both actors.

Sometimes, he’s just tired.

Doesn’t have to do it all the time, of course. Sometimes they’re on the same team, and then he holds Ji-hyo back, or makes sure she’s okay, or backs Jae-suk up when he needs it.

There was that kid, during one of those missions. Recognised Jae-suk off the bat, of course. Kwang-soo? Babo ajusshi. Part of the character, of course—stupid, ambitious, cowardly Giraffe, but it stings for the moments it takes for him to let it roll off.

The thing about acting is, you can leave the role behind, sort of. Hosts like Jae-suk will bring it up, of course, when you go on variety shows, or talk shows, but that’s the kind of meticulous attention to detail that has given him the title of the Nation’s MC. With its peculiar blend of reality and fiction, variety is a lot trickier. People sometimes mix up the character with the person, even if you’re playing an exaggeration, a caricature of yourself that makes the show _work_. Hard to shake the Betrayer image, now.

He wonders sometimes about how it’s affecting his acting career. It’s always the comedy roles now. Detective afflicted with bad luck, how about that.

He’d say he’s sorry once the cameras shut off, once they clap for the slate, and the filming for the week is done and they begin to wind down and pack up to leave, but is he really sorry if he’d do the same thing again the next week? Because that’s what it means, being Lee Kwang-soo, filming _Running Man_. He can say he’s sorry, but next week, he’d be back to those sly, underhanded punches, the shouting, the exaggerated fool, because that’s who he is on the show, and that’s what makes the dynamics work.

It’s what the viewers want, and it’s what catapulted him to popularity as the Prince of Asia.

Even then, sometimes, Kwang-soo is just tired of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Began as an afterthought to Episode 295, which I rewatched recently. Listening to cast members talk honestly and openly to each other was tear-inducing; at the same time, it's variety, of course, and they're always talking in front of cameras. Which more or less got me to start writing this series of short character studies. I feel like Kim Jong-kook in particular was clear about how limiting the role he plays can be.
> 
> Note: I don't know if I'm going to cover Jeon So-min and Yang Se-chan. I enjoy the new Running Man cast; it's just that they're not in Episode 295, and I don't really feel all that confident writing about them just yet. Maybe in future.


End file.
